I'm The Master, So Kiss Me
by Safiya Femi
Summary: James caught Lily doing something "naughty" and so Lily, seeing that she's a goody-goody and does not want to get in trouble, has to keep James quiet. But what exactly does she have to do? Be a love slave to James.
1. Introduction

I'm The Master, So Kiss Me  
  
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me. This is all fanfiction! Yay for that. J.K. Rowling needs to be mentioned when it comes to Harry Potter. Yay that she has invented such a story!  
  
Author's Note: Yay! This is my second Lily and James story. I'm sure you'll love this one. I'll try to have some humor in it. This one is going to be fun to write.  
  
Summary: James caught Lily doing something "naughty" and so Lily, seeing that she's a goody-goody and does not want to get in trouble, has to keep James quiet. But what exactly does she have to do? Be a love slave to James. With James's obsession for Lily and his twisted mind (as well as Sirius's) and with Lily's hot temper, anything can happen.  
  
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Chapter 1- An Introduction By The Ever-So-Lovely Sirius Black  
  
Ah, amour. What a wonderful, sexy word. Ok, maybe not sexy but it was worth a shot. For all you non-french people out there, amour is love. Yes love. Love can mean all sorts of things. Mainly, it's a feeling shared between two people whether between a girl-boy, or a boy-boy or a girl-girl.   
  
Ick, just the thought of it makes me sick. No offence and I apologize for all you people out there who are gay or lesbos etc.   
  
Anyways, this is a story of James and Lily. Yes, the so-called "famous" couple. What about me? Don't I get a fame show here? Ah well, I will be the famous narrator/marauder/single guy.   
  
Yes, sadly, I am single.   
  
Well, continuing on, James saw Lily who did something naughty. Tsk tsk Lily. Doing something naughty. And here I thought you were a goody-two shoes. Guess I thought wrong.   
  
What is the "something naughty" part, you ask? Well, I don't know if I should tell you...  
  
Ok! Fine! The suspense is killing me! Lily brewed an illegal potion and accidentally fed it to the professors. Unfortunately, Professor Snake and Snivellus managed to brew an antidote for the professors. Though it was quite amusing to see the professors acting odd behaviours with the most foul and disgusting warts on their faces.   
  
I shudder at the thought. Yet, a brilliant mastermind plan. Why didn't I think of that?!? Grr...  
  
Well, back to the story. James and I had found out what she had done and Lily, being all panicky, had to have a small -ahem- deal with James. I was only there for mere amusement.  
  
Naturally, she agreed to the terms without a few curses and hexes flown around the room. The deal was sealed by a kiss. James gave me that famous I-am-so-good-and-cunning-I-should-be-in-Slytherin smile. I only chuckled and shook my head.  
  
The deal? Well, James always had a small...wait, no, a HUGE crush on Lily Evans. Of course he would think of something extremely funny and witty and something to his advantage. A love slave. Amazing. He gets to have blackmail and have Lily his love slave. How lucky can this git get?!? Makes me a bit envious. Grr...life is cruel.  
  
Well, let's start on Day 1...   
  
"Ugh, James, do you honestly have to eat like that?" Remus asked, disgusted while trying to hide his face behind his book. I, on the other hand, didn't care since I was doing the exact same thing, stuffing my face with as much food as I can possibly chew and get in my mouth.  
  
"Whaft's wrong? Good food should not fbe wafsted!" Remus only flicked a piece of food that was thrown from my mouth and shook his head.   
  
"Merlin, I don't know why I bother hanging out with you and James sometimes." I only shrugged my shoulders and looked over at James who was staring open mouthed...at Lily.   
  
I shook my beautiful and gorgeous head and slapped James across the back of his head.   
  
"Ow, what you do that for, you git?!?" He exclaimed loudly. Everyone stared at James yet they seemed to have shrugged their shoulders and go back to chatting about. Is James all that predictible? Sadly, I think so.  
  
"You have drool coming out which is pretty filthy and disgusting and you're staring at Evans too much which is not a good thing." James glared at me and returned to eating his now completely filled drooled food. "Please tell me you won't eat that." I whimpered at James. James sighed and pushed his plate away. The Marauders and I breathed a sigh of relief. Honestly, can James get any thicker?  
  
"You're daft Padfoot. Very daft." I stared incredulously at him.   
  
"I'm not the one staring at the girl they are obsessed with!" That was a bit too loud as everyone once again stared at James including Evans who shot us a glare. I gave out a chuckle and patted James on the back who was now grumbling something like some insane psychotic maniac who was just released from St. Mungo's.  
  
"James, bloke, you should really go and visit the hospital because I think you're the one becoming daft." Remus slapped my head with his thick book.   
  
"Ow! Bloody hell Remy, what'd you do that for?!?" Remus shook his head and sighed.  
  
"Siri," he mocked me, "you just don't understand true love."  
  
"True lo- what the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?!? Prongs, do not go and be like an idiot. Now tell me the truth. Are you in love with Evans?" I stared sternly at him which was quite comical, considering the fact that I've never been very...well, serious. I am Sirius of course but you know what I mean. Excuse the pun please.   
  
"Sirius, you're really slow. Of course I'm in love with Evans! Why else have I been brooding over her for the past 6 years?" This time, there was a flicker of amusement creasing over his eyes. I stared, horrified. I would commit myself to that...commitment!  
  
"Commitments. That's it. James, you're going mad. Bloody mad I tell you! That's it, I'm taking you to St. Mungo's!" James had never been the one to make commitments.   
  
"Sirius, don't make this into one of your "He's-bloody-crazy-that-he-needs-to-be-taken-to-St.-Mungo's" things." I pretended to do a mock faint and was about to say something but I saw something so hilarious and incredible, words cannot express what I felt.   
  
In front of me was the strangest sight ever. The Professors were honking and making some odd monkey noises and jumping all around with these foul warts on their face. I could tell that Dumbledore was trying to keep a straight face as Professor McGonagall stood up and glared at the Marauders.  
  
Honestly, it wasn't us this time. I was gaping like a goldfish, Remus was looking horrified and James...well, James was trying hard not to laugh and look stunned at the same time. Oh and the fabulous part about it all was that we had detention for something we didn't do. As well, 50 points were taking off. Really, I wouldn't stoop that low to prank the teachers. I knew who did it though as well as James. I just didn't know it would result to this.  
  
"James." I hissed at him, poking him on the side. James gave a startled yelp. The noise had quieted down a bit and the professors were given antidotes by Snake and Snivellus. Oy, Snivellus. The most foul and disgusting creature ever to walk the Earth.   
  
"What Padfoot?" James hissed back, rubbing his side (I did poke him rather hard, I admit but that's not the point).   
  
"I've got a brilliant plan to get back at Evans." James eyed me for a moment, having his suspicious, skeptical look on his face. I knew he was trying to decide whether it was a good or bad thing. It was good of course, nothing bad's going to happen to Evans. Probably I'm going to make James and Eva-er...Lily, be together and get happily married. What I would get out of it would be the entertainment.  
  
"What plan?" He asked slowly. I grinned slyly at James. I whispered in his ear and I swear, I could feel a smile coming on.  
  
"Brilliant." He breathed out. His eyes were shining. I knew the old James was in there somewhere. Remus leaned forward and stared squarely at me.   
  
"Sirius, what are you planning to do?" So, naturally I told him simply. He pondered for a moment and nodded.  
  
"Nothing sexual of course." I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Then what is the point?" Remus snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes, shaking his head.   
  
"You're impossible."  
  
"You're incorrigible." Remus looked at me strangely.  
  
"What?" I asked innocently. It was then that I noticed Lily getting up with a very worried look on her face. She quickly dashed out of the Great Hall. Like reading my mind, we all got up to follow Lily to wherever she was going. It so happened that she went into the common room. This was it, the moment of truth. Well, not really, but it was the time to bring out what we so happened to know.  
  
I grinned cheekily at James who slyly grinned back. This was going to be good. We stepped inside the common room and saw Lily pacing in front of the fire.  
  
"What seems to be the problem, Evans?" I asked as innocently as I possibly good. It was foolproof of course, she didn't suspect a thing.  
  
"None of your business Black." She snapped at me without even looking in my direction. How rude! I scoffed at her.  
  
"James, I don't think she's allowed to do that to us, right?" James enthusiastically nodded his head.  
  
"Oh absoutely. Of course. Especially since we seem to know her dirty little secret." James then pretended to nonchantly stare at his fingers and ever so "casually" stare at the ceiling and around the room. It was all I could do to keep myself from laughing. Lily had stopped pacing and stared at James with narrow eyes.  
  
"What the bloody hell are you talking about? What secret?" She said in that low and soft dangerous voice of hers...  
  
And James says her voice are like bells. What a bloody idiot.  
  
"Oh, you know exactly what we're talking about." Lily marched forward to James and grabbed him by the collar.   
  
"You better tell me what it is you're saying or I swear I will beat you to the pulp. Don't you dare say that I won't!" She looked so fearfully dangerous that I had to step back a bit away from her but it was too late because she shot me a glare.  
  
"One of you will tell me now what is going on and how you happened to found out whatever it is you knew." She could become an Auror one day, I could tell you that.  
  
"Alright. I'll tell you." I said with an exasperated sigh. It was over-exaggerated of course but Lily had let down James and had let go of his collar. James coughed a bit and rubbed his neck. "Ok, we found out about about how you "accidentally" placed a potion in the professors' drinks."   
  
Lily stared silent for a moment as she froze. I could tell by the horrified look on her face. She cleared her throat and stared unexpectedly at me.  
  
"How did you find out?" She asked as calmly as she could. Her defence mechanism had suddenly crashed and in stood a...well, I'm not entirely sure. In other words, her temper was gone...for now. Only a temporary moment unfortunately. I made a snort of a laugh and rolled my eyes. Her defence mechanism flared up one more as she glared at me.  
  
"We're the Marauders. We're bound to know." I said in my "it's-so-obvious" tone. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently on the carpeted floor.  
  
"Well, excuse me oh-great-pig-headed-one." She said sarcastically. I had to let that one go, for now. It was all part of a good cause though it make me a little irritated. Honestly, Evans was such a spoiled little brat sometimes.  
  
"If you're going to insult us, then I'm afraid we're going to take this to the professors, namely the Headmaster as well." Lily only smirked at us, amusement flashing in her eyes. She wants amusement, we'll give her amusement.  
  
"I take it they're going to believe you?" James then stepped forward with an equally looking smug face as Lily's.  
  
"Not us, Remus." Ha, I knew she's be terrified. Allow me to clarify what we mean. You see, Remus is a prefect and he's the sensible, honest one. Besides that fact, he's a prefect. Everyone knows that the professors always believe prefects. That's why they have chosent those people to be prefects. Remus happens to be one of the so-called "lucky" few. Well, he's lucky to us but that's it.  
  
Another good thing about Remus is that he somewhat agrees with my plan of getting James and Lily together. Lily looked defeated after we told her that Remus was going to tell. She sighed and uncrossed her arms.  
  
"Alright, what do you want?" She said in an irritated tone.  
  
"I thought you'd never ask, James?" James stepped forward and cleared his throat.  
  
"You're to be my love slave."   
  
"What?!?" Lily blowed out with that fiery temper of hers. Spitfire of course, which James absolutely adores.   
  
"Rule # 1, do not speak unless the master says so." Lily glared at me.   
  
"I will speak whenever I please." I shrugged my shoulders and stared at James who then nodded, as if giving permission for Lily to speak and ignoring what Lily had said. "I refuse to become a love slave to you." Typical of Lily to refuse.  
  
"That, or the professors." James sung out. Lily closes her eyes and ponders for a moment.  
  
"Fine, what do you want me to do?"  
  
"What do you want me to do, Master." I corrected her. Lily sighs.  
  
"What do you want me to do...Master?" She stared at me with such hatred. James smiled happily.  
  
"Kiss the Master." James said calmly. Lily growled under her breath and quickly kissed James on the cheek.  
  
"What is that?" I said indignantly. "That wasn't even a kiss!"  
  
"He never said on the lips." She shot back at me. Clever, are we?  
  
"Rule #2, do not talk to the Master's friends rudely." I nodded to Lily in a "see? you shouldn't" sort of way. Lily only ignored me.  
  
"Kiss the Master on the lips." James said, trying again. Lily attempts to avoid any physical contact except for the lips because she gave a quick peck to James on the lips. We all sighed with impatience. Only James seemed to enjoy it.  
  
"At least she's kissing me." James said confidently. I only roll my eyes.  
  
"Boredom. Make her do something." I whined. Lily seemed to be happy that we don't seem to like what she's doing. James squatted a hand at me. I slapped it hard. As he was rubbing his hand, I snapped my fingers. "I know! Dinnertime, I wnat you to stand up on the Gryffindor table and confess your love to the Master." Lily looked horrified.  
  
"Do I have to?" I nodded and gave her a stern look. "Fine." She growled at me and then turned to go to her next class.   
  
"Ah, you forgot something." James called out. Lily stalked back and kissed James square on the lips.  
  
"Happy?"   
  
"Very. But I was talking about your transfiguration text book." He lifted the book up. We all laughed as Lily snatched the book from James' hand.  
  
"Idiot. Sod off."  
  
"Rule #3, do not insult the master." She shot a glare at us once more before leaving.  
  
"That, I must say, was entertaining. She'll fall in love with you soon Prongs."  
  
"Do you have a life, Padfoot, or do you just enjoy being entertained by mine?" James joked at me. I shrugged my shoulders.  
  
"Just comparing your boring life to my facinating one." James just threw a pillow at me.  
  
So, there you have it. The beginning of James and Lily. Would you like me to continue to the dinnertime scene? I can't hear yooouuuu! Nope, I still can't hear you. I might as well stop. Oh! I hear it now. It's very faint but at least someone seems to enjoy my story (all of you should you daft idiots!). I'm kidding of course. I kid because I love. Contnuing on to the dinnertime scene...  
  
Ah, dinnertime. What a wonderful time to be at, especially to have some entertainment by a certain, red-head, who is going to embarass herself in front of the whole school and her professors. She was hating me throughout the day, shooting glares at me whenever she had the chance. She broke a quill once, as if demonstrating the fact of what she's going to do to me once she graduates. She believes that she'll never be with James after graduating. We'll see. We'll see.  
  
There was the usual chatter of noise as James, Remus, Peter and I entered the Great hall. We saw Lily sitting in her usual place with her friends, looking extremely angry. Her friends on the other hand was a different story. They looked excited and gushing with giggliness. I smiled and shuddered a bit. I hate giggling. It was just too annoying and got on my nerves a lot. They should be banned one day. I will make that dream happen, that is my goal.   
  
Anywhoo, on to the rest of the story. Where was I? Oh yes, I was thinking it was going to be very interesting what Lily would say. Lily in a million years would never express her feelings outward as so. I was beginning to wonder what Lily was planning to say. Before tucking in, I stood up for everyone's attention. The professors were shouting but I ignored them.  
  
"Attention everyone! I would just like to intro-"  
  
"I LOVE YOU SIRI!!" Everyone laughed and I chuckled, bowing slilghtly.  
  
"Yes, yes. There's always enough of that but not now. Thank you though. But please, let me continue. I would just like to introduce you to Miss Lily Evans who has a very special announcement to make." I stepped down as Lily reluctantly stepped up on the table.  
  
"You are dead Black." She whispered to me.  
  
"Ah ah ah. Rule #2." I sang to her. Lily gave a face of disgust before looking at everyone.   
  
"First of all, I would just like to say that Black is a full-fledged pig-headed idiot." Everyone laughed as I went red in the face, slapping her on the leg.  
  
"Get on with it!" I hissed at her. Lily smugly smiled and looked at everyone. She took in a deep breath...and just waited. Waited for what, I have no clue. I slapped her leg once more, impatient. Everyone was staring and waiting. Some were angry. Lily glared at me then cleared her throat.  
  
"I would just like to say that I...I l-"  
  
"Blast it woman! Get on with it!" Lily placed her hands on her hips and stared squarely at me.  
  
"Well, if you stop interrupting me then maybe I can!" I grumbled under my breath as I felt defeated for an odd reason. Of course, my fan girls glared at Lily. Ah, the wonders of fame.  
  
"Ok, what I meant to say was that I love James Potter." There was silence, everyone was staring, shocked. Of course they would be shocked. For the past six years, all from Lily's mouth was how daft Potter was, or how horny Potter was, or how she hated Potter with venom. Potter this, Potter that. It's no wonder rumors were that she truly did love James Potter instead of hate.  
  
Whispers broke out of course as soon as Lily stepped down.  
  
"Are you happy now? This was absolutely stupid and a complete waste of time." She said with a bored look on her face.   
  
"You were embarassed. That was the key point here."  
  
"I was not embarassed!" Lily said hotly at me. She was red in the face which I would take it as blushing. How was I supposed to know that her cheeks become red when she gets angry?  
  
"You're blushing." I noted out.  
  
"I am not blushing! Stop pointing out accusations towards me!" Professor McGonagall stood up angrily and glared at James and I.  
  
"MR. BLACK! MR. POTTER!" I groaned. Lily smirked at me but I arched a brow towards and Lily's smirk had faded. Her eyes held something. Like...fear. It read one of those 'do I have to' type of looks.  
  
"Professor McGonagall." She called out, staring at me skeptically but then turning her head. "I'm afraid that Mr. Black and Mr. Potter had no part in this. It was all of my doing." Professor McGonagall looked flustered as she sat down slowly.  
  
"But then Miss Evans, surely you couldn't possibly...I mean, what are the odds...it's not possible..." Her voice trailed off. Dumbledore chuckled as he patted McGonagall on the hand.  
  
"Now now Minerva. Things do change. Obviously, true love can turn up unexpectedly and can make people do strange things." Still looking flustered, McGonagall nodded her head. I think she was still unable to register the idea. I had to laugh at this.   
  
"I don't know what seems to be so amusing Mr. Black but I suggest that you should close your mouth but I make it gone!" I stared shocked. "Minerva" never made threats and this was a first.   
  
"Why, Professor McGonagall! Was that a threat?" For once, McGonagall was speechless and embarassed so she remained silent. I knew she was thinking dark thoughts about me.   
  
"Lily! Is this true or are you pulling our legs?" One of the fan girls of James asked.  
  
"Of course it's true!" I said cheerfully. "Why else would Lily express her feelings so?" Fortunately, these girls were daft and automatically believed me, probably because I was just too sexy to disagree with.   
  
Lily rolled her eyes at me and crossed her arms.  
  
"Sirius Black, you are impossible." I just grinned.  
  
Well, there you have it. The dinner scene. It's amazing what love can do to people. Technically though, Lily wasn't "in love" with James at the time but I hope you know what point I'm trying to get across here.   
  
Stay tuned for more next chapter. There's going to be a funny scene. Fortunately, I took James's invisibility cloak so I get to stalk everyone and narrate it to you readers. You know you love me.   
  
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Safiya Femi: Haha, I tried. Sirius Black is great, ishn't he? -flashes smile- Just picture him with a cheesy grin and there you have my Sirius Black in this story. I love him so much here. -drools- I'm so odd. Well, review! 


	2. Desperate

I'm The Master, So Kiss Me  
  
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me. This is all fanfiction! Yay for that. J.K. Rowling needs to be mentioned when it comes to Harry Potter. Yay that she has invented such a story!  
  
Author's Note: This is such a funny story. I love it. If I get 5 more reviews, you'll get more of this story.  
  
Summary: James caught Lily doing something "naughty" and so Lily, seeing that she's a goody-goody and does not want to get in trouble, has to keep James quiet. But what exactly does she have to do? Be a love slave to James. With James's obsession for Lily and his twisted mind (as well as Sirius's) and with Lily's hot temper, anything can happen.  
  
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Chapter 2- Desperate Are We? In Other Words: Would You Rather Be Naked?  
  
Ah ha! I knew you would be back for more. You love me too much to stop. Might as well continue unless you want to know more about moi...  
  
Alright, I'll get on with the bloody story. Oy. I'm just kidding with you. So, we left with Lily becoming James's love slave and "confessing" her love for James and such. That was a great moment and I shall cherish it forever.   
  
Ok, so I stole James's invisibility cloak and decided to do a little sneaking around. Find out what people do, especially James and Lily, during their daily lives. James would probably kill me someday if he found out but I'm too good to be dead.  
  
Anywhoo, this is where trouble begins. Well, not those big and huge troubles where people die but those love troubles. You see, James has those crazy fan clubs and one of them is the crazies of all. She's flipped, mad, psychotic, any word that expresses that she's mad. I could barely contain myself from laughter as I witnessed the moment. Here's one of them.  
  
"Boo!"  
  
"Aah! Bloody hell, Potter! What is the matter with you?!? You bloody nearly gave me a heart attack!" James grinned goofily at Lily and slung his arm around her shoulder.  
  
"Don't be such a spoil sport. It was merely just for fun."  
  
"Fun does not come close to what I was experiencing Potter." She glared dangerously at James. "Do you want to risk that arm of yours?"   
  
"Remember Lily, I am your master."  
  
"And a bloody horrible one at that." She muttered to herself. James arched a brow at Lily.  
  
"I think I'm perfectly magnificant at it." Lily rolled her eyes as they walked down the hallway. Naturally, I followed. Then, that's when it happened. My eyes were shining from fear and amusement. Here she came...  
  
James too noticed her and suddenly gripped onto her arm. Lily stared at James with confusion.   
  
"What-"  
  
"Kiss me." I arched a brow at that. Kinky James. Very kinky. Desperate now are we? I almost laughed out loud right there and then but I wanted to see what happened.  
  
"James? Here? Now?" I could tell she was irritated. "James-"  
  
"Now." He said in a very demanding voice and suddenly kissed her. Now, I don't know what it felt like so I shan't bother explaining. I could make it up...  
  
Ok, I won't. You might shudder from fear. I'll just say this version that all you girls who love romance love.  
  
When their lips locked, it was as if electricity shocked through them, inside their bodies. Their lips melded into one and the sensual feeling that had been locked inside them soon erupted as passion flared between the two.  
  
Oh Merlin, I can't go on.   
  
That was just...oh bloody hell, that was just bloody...I can't find that word...  
  
Oh who cares. Anywhoo, so they were kissing and I was snickering and they soon parted their pouted, swollen lips (they did kiss for a very long time. I think what I just said before was actually true...there are shudders vibrating throughout my well-built body right now.).   
  
"Wanker." I had to laugh. James and Lily looked around before shrugging their shoulders. Thank Merlin for their daftness.   
  
"Wanker am I? I'll show you what kind of wanker I am. My second command for you to do is to sleep with me." Lily stared shocked at James, then disgusted.  
  
"Potter, are you bloody nuts?!? That I will never do! You're disgusting."  
  
"Ah Lily, what a horny mind you have. I didn't mean in that way. I meant for you to just sleep next to me. I like to feel your body next to mine." Lily shoved James who managed to trip over his robes. Lily doubled over with laughter and pointed at James who seemed to be in a very awkward situation, lying there like a pathetic loser in which I thought that way.  
  
"Sod off Lily! You're pushing it." Amazingingly enough, James still had power, even when he was lying on the ground looking like a daft idiot that he is. I wanted to go and kick James in the arse but I couldn't risk it. I still needed to stalk these people so I could gladly narrate this to you. Oh, the pain of pleasure for you people.  
  
"Fine! But I will not go and strip in front of you!" By then, people were staring at the couple, wondering what the hell was going on between those two. I mean, who says strip in a sentence, especially between the "love" couple?   
  
"Aw Lily. You know I could command you to." James had gotten up and brushed the dust from his cloak and pants and stared at Lily as innocently as he could. I was wondering at the time though where Remus went off to. He could have seriously enjoyed this.  
  
"I'm not going to." She stubbornly said, crossing her arms. Fiesty with spitfire. James really does know how to choose his women. Especially one like Lily.  
  
"Are you ashamed of your own body Lily?" Lily glared at James. That was crossing the line. He knows that he shouldn't insult women about their body. It's no wonder they always ask the men if they looked fat or not.  
  
"Do not ask me that question again James. I might seriously hurt you." James raised his hands up in defence. Then he licked his lips and grinned charmingly as possible. I wonder if there was a devilish thought to it as well.  
  
"I can always place a condom in the air and announce to the whole school that we slept with each other." Lily stared horrified and she looked as if she was about to slap him when she had second thoughts. I think.  
  
"Ok fine, I will go with whatever you have in that horny mind of yours." That's the spirit Lily! Agree with whatever James says! That was a mighty good plan James had up his sleeve. Honestly, I would've done the same thing as well if I were in the same position but then again, all the girls would gladly strip for me. Except for Lily of course. And other few exceptions. Ooh, her as well, and her, and her, oh and I can't forget her, and her too, well, you get my point don't you?!?  
  
The rest of the day was boring. Lily and James didn't say much to each other so I wouldn't want you to suffer as I have suffered. It was really boring I could tell you that. I think they were saving the best for last. Ok, I wasn't that desperate so I really didn't know what happened in that bedroom except from what James told me. I'll go into James's point of view so you could know what James was doing and such and blah blah blah.   
  
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James's point of view  
  
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I was in the common room when she came in and that was good because she came right on time. I grinned at her while she glared at me. She wasn't enjoying this I could easily tell but I was and that was the whole point, wasn't it?  
  
"Well, hello Lily. Excited? Anxious? Happy?"  
  
"None of those." She snapped at me and collapsed onto the couch next to mine (I was sitting in one of those comfy chairs fit for one person). I waited for a few moments before stretching and yawning. Lily ignored me and continued to stare at the fire. I wondered what was going on in that pretty little head of hers.  
  
"Well, I'm tired Lily. Care to join me?" If only looks could kill, I would've been dead a million times, especially that time (this was the cue where Sirius's laughter came in. Why, I have no idea). But, she went without any complaint and even agreeably took my hand that I offered to her. It felt nice, and it seemed that it fit just right for my hand. Her hands were soft and her fingers were slender as they interlaced mine.   
  
"Tired Lily?" I asked her.  
  
"No." She said after yawning. I gave a small chuckle. It was then that I heard a bang and I saw the Head Boy's door open and out walked Sirius.   
  
"Sirius! What the bloody hell are you doing in my room?" Sirius grinned and shrugged his shoulders "innocently." Believe me, Sirius is never innocent so why should I believe him? Lily had let go of my hand and snap her head up from my shoulder as she glared at Sirius.  
  
"Black! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"   
  
"Why Lily! What a surprise." She rolled her eyes at him. I had to snort a laugh. Even Sirius knew better than that.  
  
"I think you know better than that Black. You do know that I'm Head Girl." He blinked for a moment, staring at the badge then gave a grin.  
  
"But of course. I was just...ah...freshning up James's bed!"  
  
"You told him?!?" She shrilled at me and started slapping me on the arm and the back of my head. She shoved me and gave a disgusted look before shaking her head. "I knew better than to agree with this whole love slave idea. It was stupid but I need to keep my record clean."  
  
"For what?" Sirius asked innocently.   
  
"Personal reasons." She said simply and flicked a strand of hair to the side. Sirius cocked his head as I groaned, rubbing my head and he started going out for the portrait door.  
  
"Sweet dreams!" He called out, cackling along the way (for the record here, I officially called him insane. Lily of course agreed with me calilng him a dimwitted, selfish, egocentric, prat with no absolute life whatsoever. She also wished that she could kick him in the arse one day, the little git that he is. Her words, not mine.). I shook my head and gave a sigh.  
  
"I hate Sirius sometimes but he's a good bloke."  
  
"To you maybe."  
  
"Oh come on Lily, don't be like that." (Sirius was at this time deeply offended by Lily's coment as well as mine. "You hate me sometimes?!? Bloody hell James, why didn't you say so?!?" I didn't know what he meant by it.)  
  
"Be like what?"  
  
"You know...that."  
  
"I'm not sure I'm following you here James."  
  
"Oh forget it. Come on to bed with me now."  
  
"You sleep early." I grinned at her.  
  
"Just for today. I like to feel your body next to mine." Lily shook her head.   
  
"James. I'm going to kill you one day." She said through gritted teeth and reluctantly trudged upstairs to my Head Boy's dormitory.  
  
"I know you will, love." I said grinning and stripped, leaving my boxers on only. Lily apparantly had hollered at me, saying that I, and I quote, "needed to get some bloody clothes on. Fast." But fortunately for her, I left them on and plopped on my bed.   
  
"Come on Lily." She sighed, frustrated and quickly hurried off to her room to change into her nightgown. She doesn't need to be shy in front of me of course. She started complaining about how she didn't feel comfortable being in her sexy (and very revealing) nightgown.  
  
"Would you rather be naked?" I said cheekily. (I recieved a slap on the face for that. It hurt.)  
  
"Don't say that again Potter." I only shrugged my shoulders and spread my body across my bed. Lily eyed me strangely.  
  
"What?" I said as innocently as possible. She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Scoot over." She commanded.   
  
"Nope. Just lie next to me." Lily had managed to get into bed without touching me at all but I changed that.  
  
"Jaaames!" She complained to me.  
  
"Mmm, you feel soft. Like-oof!" She kneed me in the groin! What was that?!? (This is where Sirius once again laughs at me.)  
  
"I told you once, I will tell you again. Do. Not. Bloody. Touch. Me!" She said hotly. While groaning, I moved over a little and once Lily had finally gotten "settled" (My groin just killed when I was telling this part to Sirius. Odd.), she sweetly said good night and drifted off to sleep.   
  
---------  
  
Sirius's point of view  
  
---------   
  
That was a funny story. A very hilarious funny story. I was eating crisps while hearing James's most dashingly good story. Lily, on the other hand, was mad as hell. You see, I've decided to play a nasty trick on them, and they still haven't figured it out. Lily just thought that James had done something to her and decided to play along and James just well, James is daft.  
  
Well, while they were sleeping, I happened to sneak in with the invisibility cloak (in case they wake up) and walked quietly up the staircase that led to the Head Boy's dormitory. There, I chained with my wand, James and Lily together.   
  
They screamed at each other like mad.  
  
I laughed my arse off like mad.   
  
All in all, it was good entertainment for me. So now, they've decided to accept things except for the whole loo thing which I'll get to it soon. As well as the changing of the clothes (James enjoyed it immensely, Lily didn't know it. She thought he had covered his eyes), to the eating at the Gryffindor table (as for as we know, Lily hasn't been two inches near James, even with the whole love slave going on), to the commanding kisses and snogging sessions between hallways (which Lily distasted immensely).   
  
Alright, I'm sure you're all anxious to find out about the loo story...  
  
That's in the next chapter. If you love me (and I know you do), you'll wait faithfully for the next chapter. This is all I can narrate right now. Well, I'm off for some sweets at Hogsmeade so you'll just have to wait soon.  
  
Soon.  
  
---------------  
  
Safiya Femi: Liked it? I know, I know, it's dumb and all but that's the whole point of the story. It's supposed to be dumb. You know what song I'm obsessed about? The Boys of Summer by The Ataris. I love it! Lurve lurve lurve, that is what I need. -singing- It's some song I just made up right now. Not The Boys of Summer. Would you like the lyrics? Well, you can't have them. Too bad. Haha, well please review! Oh, and thanks to those people who have reviewed so far! I appreciate them greatly. Without you guys, there would be no fanfiction or any of my precious stories. Please also read Beaubaxtons to Hogwarts. It's a good story I guess. (It's mine by the way if you didn't know.). I might stop it, I might not. Right now, I'm obsessed about this story. Cheers. 


	3. Bloody

**I'm The Master, So Kiss Me**

**Disclaimer**: Not mine except any unfamiliar characters and plot of course.

**Author's Note**: Terribly sorry chaps for all this! Well, I'm back and I have a story for you all! Hope you enjoy this!

**Summary**: James caught Lily doing something "naughty" and so Lily, seeing that she's a goody-goody and does not want to get in trouble, has to keep James quiet. But what exactly does she have to do? Be a love slave to James. With James's obsession for Lily and his twisted mind (as well as Sirius's) and with Lily's hot temper, anything can happen.

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**Chapter 3**- Bloody Bloody Bloody Hell

Yawn. Oh hello chaps. I've just woken up to find you here and so...here you are! Um...yes. Anyways, why are you here? Oh yes! The story! Well, we left them all in a little bit of a mix-up with the whole spell binding charm but don't worry, they love each other too much to really kill each other.

Anywhoo, moving on. I saw them sitting on the -ahem- love couch, arms crossed (at least in an attempt to since the binding of their wrists got into the way so it made as if James would touch her -personal- spot if she crossed her arms), and looking spiteful. Poor James. Lily's a redhead, it's no surprise she would get so tempermental so easily.

"BLOODY HELL! I HATE THIS! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THIS HORRIBLE BINDING SPELL!" James shook his head and it looked as if he wanted to burst out laughing. I'm telling you chaps, he was bloody red. That is one scary looking James. Not his usual semi-decent good-looking self. (What? You think I would compliment him on his looks when I, the great and sexy looking Sirius Black, is well, _SEXY_?)

"Tsk tsk Lily. Language." Lily shot James an evil look that could possibly kill if it could. I swear, if that were true, James would be dead a million times. It's that harsh their relationship.

"You're one to talk. Don't you ever notice how foul your mouth is when you disgustingly eat at the Great Hall?" James smiled.

"Ah, so you stare at me, don't you?"

"I try not to. I fear I'll get sick just by seeing the mere sight of you, like now." James raised his hands in defence, jerking Lily along as well so that her head ended up in his lap. James laughed.

"You want to do this now?" Lily jerked her head from his lap and slapped him with her free hand.

"YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE! HOW SICK-MINDED COULD YOU GET?" Yes James. Do answer the question. We all love to see how _horny_ you are in that teeny-tiny mind of yours.

"I'm sorry Lily, I wasn't listening." Which is amazing considering how loud her voice just echoed in the common room. I sighed, bored at the display. This was their usual ruckus. Nothing amazing was happening. Which was why I've decided to do something about it.

With the flick of my wand, Lily was somehow pushed forward into James's arms. Now, something was improving and I couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. When it did happen, it happened so fast that I almost missed it.

This is how it went. Lily started slapping James and James tried to somehow calm Lily down but managed to holler at her and both started to wrestle on the ground (which kind of made sense considering they both love each other secretly and their bodies couldn't take it so while their minds disagreed, the bodies decided _"what the hell,"_ and went ahead with it. I love James and Lily's bodies-um, not in that way, you _sick_-minded people-for they went with their gut insticts.)

Anywhoo, while wrestling on the ground, I managed to grab my camera and click a picture of them. After the big flash, James and Lily had both blinked and looked at each other before looking at me with their dangerous, scary, evil eyes of theirs.

Slowly, they got up, brushed off their imaginary dust on their robes, and marched forwards towards me but it was too late. I was running away from them in a flash. I didn't know what they were doing since I was in too much of a hurry to get _"away"_ from them.

I hid in the North Tower for so long, I was wondering what was happening so, I tip-toed towards the door and opened it to see two figures sleeping on the ground. I flicked my wand, whispered "Lumos" and saw James and Lily together, curled on the floor.

The image was just too cute. I captured another photo of them. They'll thank me later.

"Nox." I whispered and whisked away to the Gryffindor Tower to tell the others what I just saw. I knew they were going to shriek with laughter after they hear the news. I mean, this is James and Lily we're talking about. The two biggest arch-enemies in the entire bloody universe! Of course this was going to be big news. What I want to know is why they're there in the first place. Surely not to_ kill_ me or anything...right?

RIGHT?

Oh God, I hope so.

I strutted into the tower with a gleaming smile on my face. Pretty soon, the youngsters rushed up to hear what happened since all they saw were two red-faced people and a deathly scared me. Uh...deathly scared is not me. Nope. Sirius Black is _never_ scared.

Well, I told them the story and their eyes got wider every second. I may have exaggerated a few points here and there but the point is that I got the purpose of the story across and, just as I was expecting it, laughter. Pure, joyous and cruel laughter. Maybe not cruel. But still, laughing at someone is mean. I think so.

I am very psychic. I should be a Divination Teacher.

Oh God no. Divination is just for the devils I tell you!

THE DEVILS!!! I'M TELLING YOU, THE DEVILS!!!

Ahem. I'm alright. Oh sod off, I'm not mental! I never was. You're all daft, I'm not.

Never mind. Back to the story at hand. James and Lily somehow managed not to kill each other when they woke up and they, I think, just walked silently back to the Gryffindor Tower seeing that I heard no noise when they entered the dormitory.

"Bloody Sirius." I heard one of them mutter. I grinned. 'Yep,' I thought. 'That's me!' I love it when people talk about me, good or bad. Usually, and somehow 98 of the time, it's always good. I'm such an angel. A hot angel mind you.

So, I silently stuffed my camera in my robes and entered the dormitory quietly, so I wouldn't disturb anyone, ESPECIALLY James and Lily. James could get very tempermental and Lily's a redhead...you know what I mean.

The next morning, oh that was bitter for me. I woke up to notice that I'm in green goop and the message above me was so mean, to me I think.

**Enjoy! We know you love us. I hope you enjoy the picture,  
we all did.**

**Love James and Lily.**

And right next to the message, the horrifying picture. I don't think I want to explain it to you. But let's just say, it's too provocative. I think it's when I drank a lot of firewhiskey just for kicks.

Oh, those bloody bloody bloody people. This year has all gone to the dogs I tell you. It's all just a bloody mess. Quite literally too.

I raised my arm up and found that I couldn't move it. My eyes widened. _'What the bloody hell? How come I can't move at all?'_

I raised my head up at the message and found that it had changed to something different.

**'Oh, sorry for not mentioning earlier. **

**The goop that you're stuck in, well, **

**it has a 24 hour effect. **

**We've informed the teachers that you're in a bit **

**of a...ahem, mess. See, your **

**"mess" has left the whole school roaring with laughter. We may have **

**exaggerated the point. **

**Anyways, moving on there's also a binding spell of you with the bed **

**sowe'redafraid you're going to bored out of your mind. **

**We've left you messages that will continually change every hour or so. So once again, enjoy!**

**Love James and Lily**

**P.S. Remus had a hand in this but he won't admit it. We'll make him admit it.  
Don't worry.'**

I was red with anger now. The whole school is laughing at _me_?!? Usually, it's when they laugh at someone else and laugh _WITH_ me.

Oh well, I suppose it's my punishment for trying to torture James and Lily but they asked for it! They were_begging_ to be together and yet, their stupid bloody minds wouldn't let them be.

I closed my eyes to sleep.

An hour later, I looked up to see some random pictures that James and Lily have left behind. I would've enjoyed watching the pictures...

IF I WASN'T IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS GREEN GOOP MESS!

I tried to lift my head up but it was no use...

I was stuck.

James and Lily are DEAD. This was stooping TOO LOW.

I wonder what James was doing with his master powers and what Lily is doing with the slave work? I haven't seen much action between them as a master and a love slave. Oh well, we'd just have to see later don't we? When I'm out of this mess...

Grr...

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**Safiya Femi**: Two words: Writer's Block. That just explains the whole concept of this chapter. I haven't had any inspiration whatsoever. Maybe next chapter will be better...


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